Francesca Bambino Donofrio

Mediation Guidelines

Francesca Bambino Donofrio reports on mediation

Mediation Student Evaluators: Next to each item in each stage of the mediation, please write “G” for Good or “E” for Excellent. At the end of the the Francesca Bambino Donofrio exercise on mediation, use these assessments or summary comments to provide CONSTRUCTIVE feedback to the acting Mediator and/or co-mediators. Francesca Bambino Donofrio teaches the following mediation guidelines in Stamford.

STEP I: SETTING THE STAGE: INTRODUCTION AND GROUND RULES
• Explain the process of mediation and that it is voluntary.
• Explain that mediators are neutral.
• Get agreement on ground rules:
1. No name-calling or put-downs.
2. Agree to solve the problem.
• Establish a safe and comfortable environment.

STEP II: DEFINING THE PROBLEM

• Ask how he or she feels about what happened.
• Give each party approximately equal time to talk.

STEP III: IDENTIFYING THE ISSUES
• Use active listening skills (repeating, summarizing, clarifying).
• Focus on issues important to both parties.
• Ask if any issues have been missed.
• Identify areas of miscommunication or wrong assumptions.

STEP IV: FINDING SOLUTIONS
• Ask what each party would like the other to do differently in the future.
• Ask what each party can do to resolve the dispute.
• Ask what can be done differently if the problem occurs again.

STEP V: AGREEMENT AND CLOSING
• Write specific agreements for each issue outlining who will do what,
• Balance the agreement so both parties take responsibility for the solution.
• Be sure the agreement is realistic for each party.
• Be sure the agreement really addresses the issues.
• Ask if any issues have been missed.
• Ask parties to prevent rumors by telling people the dispute is resolved.
• Thank the parties and congratulate them for their hard work.

Scenario for Peer Mediation

Disputant #1: One of your Facebook Friends, Fiona Fotog has tagged a photo of you from Junior High and your look is less than flattering. Your hair is unruly and make up non existent. Your outfit is plain old bad and quite simply you are not looking your absolute hottest. Are those flannel pajamas you are wearing? You are not the only one in the photo Fiona has tagged looking less than spiffy.

Disputant #1’s Underlying Issue: You have your eye on Danny Dapper the star quarterback for the Iona Gaels high school football team as a date to take to the Vincent’s dance. Danny has recently accepted your friend request and no doubt has seen your junior high school fashion slump photo. If Danny and friends have not seen it his Danny’s ex girlfriend Sally Sassy, who love to rekindle with him has seen it for sure. At this point even if you reset privacy settings and “un-tag” yourself, you know for sure Danny Dapper and his football throwing buds have seen this faux pas one way or another. You are furious and disappointed that Fiona would be so insensitive as to broadcast a picture of you looking like that at a crucial date picking time like this. What was she thinking? Wait until you see her in the cafeteria.

Disputant #2: Over the weekend you were busy reorganizing your room. You were thrilled to have found pictures of you and your high school gal pals from 5 years ago when you were all in junior high. The pictures are great! They truly capture the sentiment of your junior high days together and make you sentimental and nostalgic. In a flurry of emotion you decide to go on a tagging frenzy and tag yourself and all the gals in this photo from a slumber party celebrating your 12th birthday for all to view on Facebook. What a great idea, you are sure all of your girlfriends would love to reminisce with you. You chuckle as you review everyone’s hair dos or rather hair don’ts!

Disputant #2’s Underlying Issue: You hardly get to see your friends anymore except for in class because you are all so very busy preparing for your classes, As well, since junior high some friends have even moved on to other high schools. When you do have time together you spend it concentrating on college prep and current day issues. You and your friends rarely have time for sleepovers and to reminisce. You think Facebook is a great way to keep the connection between past and present. You are anxious to read the warm and fuzzy comments your friends are sure to leave, that slumber party was a great time!!!!!! You all still talk about it☺

Teaching mediation to kids
Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford Mediation teaches people how to get along. You’d think being social animals, we’d just pick that up. Not the case.

Francesca Bambino Donofrio

Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford Mediator developed the Mediation Curriculum at Fordham University from 2006 forward and the course is still actively enrolligg students.

Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford Mediation runs the Concord Mediation Institute CMI in Stamford CT. Incivility can easily become the norm, unless we do something about it. Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford CT and her teams of trainers work with students, mostly from high school to about third grade, teaching them to be peer mediators, helping other students resolve conflicts before they get out of hand. We don’t want them to grow up to be people who might yell at the president during a speech, like Congressman Joe Wilson, or snatch a microphone from a young woman’s hands, like Kanye West, but even more to the point is teaching kids to deal with other people civilly every day. Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford states “We feel conflicts occur often because people don’t understand each other,” she said. “They get into conflicts out of ignorance.”

Since 2010 CMI has done programs for schools locally and across the country in New York City, and Stamford. The staff is multiracial, which helps in dealing with cultural and ethnic conflicts and relating to a range of students.

When schools adopt peer-mediation programs, fights, suspensions and expulsions go down, Francesca Donofrio of Stamford said. That’s good for the school environment, but it also reduces long-term problems.
“Suspension is the beginning of a disaster,” she said. It can be the first step toward dropping out, and that has a big impact on a kid’s life, and our common future.
Francesca Bambino D’Onofrio Donofrio Roundup Greenwich Mediation says
The training is eight to 12 hours spread over a few days. The curriculum is the mediation process and techniques, recognizing feelings, communication skills, perspective, cultural awareness.
CMI teaches with a lot of role playing guided by the trainers. A mediator will ask the arguing parties to take turns saying what the problem is. The mediator restates what each one has said, helping clarify what happened and getting each person to see the conflict from the other’s perspective.
Francesca Bambino D’Onofrio Donofrio Roundup Greenwich Mediation indicates that
Peer mediators are not supposed to inject themselves in situations they think are dangerous, and are required to report any threats of violence.
Their job is not to solve problems, but to help the people involved work it out themselves.
Being a mediator gives you the sense that you are of value, she said. “Kids can tell when you are trying to fix them. But when you say to these kids, ‘we want you to take responsibility for other people’s conflicts,’ they feel empowered.”
Mediator training also teaches self awareness.
“We help them learn to recognize how other people are feeling, and learn to control their own feelings.” You can’t mediate a conflict if you get caught up in it. “You have to remain neutral even if inside you are thinking I can’t stand this person.”
It’s good life-skills training.

Francesca Bambino Donofrio

Francesca Bambino Donofrio - Conflict Seem to be present in all human relationships and in all societies

(spouses, children parents neighbors in laws subordinates racial groups governments nations communities citizens)

Conflict because of their pervasive presence and can cost a person emotionally, financially, physically.

When people have disputes people often peacefully look to resolve differences – to resolve a difference people want to and people want to do so wit the least cost to themselves.

Disagreements can arise in almost any relationship and the majority of disagreements are handles informally. Initially people may choose to AVOID each other because of the discomfort they fee that often accompanies conflict, they do not consider the issue to be that important, that lack the power to force a change, they do not believe the situation can be improved, or they are not ready to negotiate.

This is called AVOIDANCE – AVOIDANCE is no longer possible when the tensions become so strong that the parties cannot let the disagreement continue – they usually resort to INFORMAL PROBLEM SOLVING DISCUSSIONS o resolve their differences.

When is there dispute in a relationships? It is precipitated by a crisis in a relationship. At this point people can pursue more formal an structures means of voluntarily reaching an agreement, they resort to using a third party decision maker, try to leverage or coerce each other to reach a settlement.

Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford Mediator

Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford Mediator developed the Mediation Curriculum at Fordham University from 2006 forward and the course is still actively enrolligg students.

Stamford mediator has developed some techniques for success in mediation

Posted on October 20, 2012

Francesca Bambino D’Onofrio a Stamford mediator has developed some techniques for success in mediation. The following would be very basic principles to be applied appropriately to the intended and disputed issues.
Basic Principles:

Involve all concerned parties
Gather information first
Negotiate second
Information Gathering Tools
Francesca Bambino D’Onofrio a Stamford mediator also suggests:
Active Listening
http://francescabambinodonofrio.com/wp-admin/profile.php
Communicate interest: “I want to understand your view.”
Builds rapport: “He wants to hear my side.”
Use gestures & sounds to show listening.
And finally, Francesca Bambino D’Onofrio a Stamford mediator says to
Repeat Technique
Repeat the vague word with inflection: “This is difficult?” “Difficult?”
Other will clarify repeated word.
Builds rapport: “She’s listening to my concerns.”
Draws other out.

Probe
Open-ended questions
Begins with who, what, when, where, how, in what way,
in which way, under what conditions.
Avoid “Why?” Sounds judgement. Makes people defensive.

Keep other talking. Can’t answer with yes or no, must expound.
Avoid leading questions – questions that have content or contain the answer.

Poor: “Do you think that . . . ?” Better: “What do you think?”
Poor: “Did she say that . . . ?” Better: “What did he say?”
Best: “What happened?”

Avoid closed questions
Can be answered with yes or no.
Closed questions are leading questions.
They begin with “Did . . .?” “Will . . .?” “Are . . ?”
“Isn’t . . . ?” “Wasn’t . . .?” “Weren’t . . .?”
As well, Francesca Bambino D’Onofrio a Stamford mediator asks the mediator to consider the following:
Check Out
Be tentative. Don’t tell; ask.
“Do you mean . . . ?”
“I get the feeling . . .?”
“Am I right in saying . . ?”
“Tell me if I understand, do you . . .?”
You are seeking a yes/no confirmation of your check out.

Specific Check Out
Check understanding of general statement with a specific possibility.
Statement: “This design has a lot of problems.”
Specific Check Out: “Do you mean you think it has build in bias.”

General Check Out
Check out understanding of a specific statement with a generalization.
Statement: “This data is incomplete, inconsistent, and gathered
under questionable conditions.”
Specific Check Out: “Do you mean you think the design is flawed?”

Feeling Check Out
Check out your perception of other’s feelings. “Do you mean you feel . . .?”
Statement: “This data is a mess and it’s been dumped on me with no warning.”
General Check Out: “Do you mean you feel discouraged?”

Uncovers concerns and interests
Silence
Use with active listening – such as nodding silently
Use when other is on the topic
Francesca Bambino D’Onofrio a Stamford mediator discusses ways to just sum it up:
Review & Sum Up
“Let me see if I’ve got it.” + State point 1, point 2, point 3
“To summarize . . . ” + State point 1, point 2, point 3
End with “Is there anything else?”
“Do I understand correctly?”
Signals when to go to brainstorming solutions.

Give Information
Describe Your Concerns

Tell the problem as you see it
State “Just the facts, Ma’am.”
Be specific: avoid vague words -describe situations, behaviors or outcomes
Be objective; avoid judgemental and emotional labels
Be concise; don’t ramble and repeat
Describe one issue at a time
Don’t defend and justify

Express your interests and feelings
Use “I” statements – “What X happens, I feel . . . .”
Avoid speculating on other’s motives. Don’t blame.

Negotiate an Action Plan
Elicit suggestions

Ask: “What do you suggest?”

Allow face saving
Check with all parties involved

“She suggests that . . . . What do you think of that?”
If rejected, elicit a suggestion

“If that doesn’t work for you. What do you suggest?”
Concentrate on what you each will do.
Specify behaviors and outcomes

Get agreement from all parties involved
Don’t demand equal give and take
Avoid limited pie approach; go for win-win
Best when written and signed by all parties involved

Review and Sum Up Action Plan
“I will XYZ and you will RST. Is that agreed?”

Acknowledge
“This looks like a good plan. You deserve a lot of credit for it?”

Schedule Follow Up
Don’t expect perfection. Renegotiate to fine tune