Thursday, April 25, 2013

Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford Mediator developed the Mediation Curriculum at Fordham University from 2006 forward and the course is still actively enrolligg students.


Francesca Bambino Donofrio – Stamford Greenwich Mediator

Francesca Bambino Donofrio
My job is not to solve problems, but to help the people involved work it out themselves.
Being a mediator gives you the sense that you are of value, she said. “Kids can tell when you are trying to fix them. But when you say to these kids, ‘we want you to take responsibility for other people’s conflicts,’ they feel empowered.”"We help them learn to recognize how other people are feeling, and learn to control their own feelings.” You can’t mediate a conflict if you get caught up in it. “You have to remain neutral even if inside you are thinking I can’t stand this person.”
It’s good life-skills training.
One of the key successes in mediation is to realize that the conflict exists due to difference in perspective. Perspective is based on many factors. Francesca Bambino Donofrio of Stamford states “age, race, culture, life expereince, socio economic factors” are all clues to understanding perspective, out own and another’s. It is important to understand that our perspective is not the only perspective to exist. For this is the basis of self empowerment. Self empowerment cannot be measured in quantitative anlysis but is witnessed and demonstrated. During self growth as humans we become more aware of ourselves and the effects we have on others. Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford Mediator states that “presence is not only is a contribution in verbal capacity but in physical capacity. Our energy enters the room long before we begin to speak.” With that in mind, Francesca Bambino Donofrio always includes discussions during mediation on body language and at the CMI there are many lectures on facial muscles, movement, body language and a definition of presence.
Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford Mediator developed the Mediation Curriculum at Fordham University from 2006 forward and the course is still actively enrolligg students.
Francesca Bambino Donofrio established the CMI Concord Mediation Institue serving Stamford Ct and Greenwich Ct. Bambino Donofrio offers group seminars and is always welcoming the opportunity to work with you in a personal setting or on site as a conflict resolution coach and life coach.
francescabambinodonofrio.com

Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford Mediator shares the following:


Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford Mediator shares the following:
NEW:
-- Federal agents who swarmed the residence of University of Massachusetts-Dartmouth students last Friday "went in heavy" because they thought that the surviving Boston Marathon bombings suspect, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, might be inside, a federal law enforcement source told CNN.
-- Dzhokhar Tsarnaev shared a cell phone with a Russian-speaking student from Kazhakstan who was detained in the raid, something the law enforcement source said authorities had determined through cell phone records and their social media interaction. This other student was in a picture with Dzhokhar shot last year in New York's Time Square.
-- This student and another taken into custody in the raid continued to be detained Thursday. The young men, both foreign exchange students from Kazhakstan, are being held by federal authorities on alleged visa violations.
-- The two students, who haven't been identified by name, are not thought to be linked to last week's attack in Boston, sources stress. Yet investigators hope they can better piece together the suspected bombers' movements before and after the marathon. "These guys are not being cut loose immediately, and there's a reason why," the federal law enforcement source said.
Previously reported:
-- Dzhokhar Tsarnaev revealed to investigators that he and his brother intended to drive to New York City and "detonate additional explosives in Times Square," New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg said at a news conference Thursday afternoon. Bloomberg said the FBI told New York officials this information Wednesday night.
-- FBI Director Robert Mueller traveled to Boston Thursday on a trip that was scheduled before the bombings, an FBI official said. While in the city, he is meeting with members of the field office who are working on the bombings case.
-- At least one of the two bombs used in Boston -- the second to explode -- was detonated by remote control, a law enforcement official told CNN Thursday. Previously, Rep. Dutch Ruppersberger, a Maryland Democrat and member of the House Select Committee on Intelligence, said Tamerlan and Dzhokhar Tsarnaev used a remote control device similar to those used to control toy cars to detonate both bombs at the marathon.
-- A body found Tuesday is that of Sunil Tripathi, a missing Brown University student who was falsely identified by some on social media as being one of the Boston Marathon bombers. The Rhode Island State Medical Examiner's office said Thursday the body has been identified as that of Tripathi, missing since March 15. No foul play is suspected in his death, the office said.
-- No firearm was found in the boat where the surviving Boston Marathon attack suspect, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, was found, several sources from different agencies familiar with the investigation said Thursday. Authorities had said in a criminal complaint there was a standoff between the boat's occupant and police involving gunfire.
-- A ranking Democrat on a House intelligence subcommittee said Thursday he does not believe the FBI and the CIA failed to share relevant information with each other regarding Boston Marathon attack suspect Tamerlan Tsarnaev. Sources told CNN previously that Russia had separately asked the FBI and the CIA to look into Tsarnaev in 2011. "This information was put in a database, it was shared among different agencies, it was shared with a joint terrorism task force, and that's exactly what should happen," U.S. Rep. Adam Schiff, D-California, told CNN Thursday. "So I don't think this was a situation where either agency was withholding something from the other. ... Some are racing to say that the FBI dropped the ball or the agencies weren't talking to each other, and that just doesn't seem to be the case." Schiff is a ranking member of the Subcommittee on Technical and Tactical Intelligence.
-- The father of bombing suspects Tamerlan and Dzhokhar Tsarnaev told reporters that he could leave the Russian region of Dagestan on Thursday for the United States. The father, Anzor Tsarnaev, said previously that he will cooperate in the bombing investigation in Boston, where his lone surviving son, Dzhokhar, is hospitalized and charged in the case.
-- The suspect's mother told reporters Thursday in Dagestan that U.S. officials "already told us they will not let us see Dzhokhar." Zubeidat Tsarnaev earlier told CNN that she believed the bombings were staged and fake. But she also said she feels sorry for the victims, and is resolute that her sons were not involved. Zubeidat Tsarnaev is wanted on 2012 felony charges of shoplifting and property damage in Massachusetts, according to court officials. It is unclear whether returning to the United States would lead to her arrest.
-- Russian President Vladimir Putin urged closer cooperation between with the United States on security issues in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombings. "This tragedy should motivate us to work closer together," Putin said during a live televised call-in session in Moscow on Thursday. "If we combine our efforts we will not suffer blows like that."
-- The body of Tamerlan Tsarnaev remains in the custody of the Massachusetts chief medical examiner, a spokesman for the medical examiner's office tells CNN. Terrel Harris also said the cause of Tsarnaev's death has yet to be determined.
Boston suspects' dad coming to U.S.
Boston bombing suspect was on FBI radar
Re-examining slayings after bombings
Bombing suspects' mother speaks to CNN
-- Months after the FBI cleared Tamerlan Tsarnaev after a request from Russia to investigate him, Russian also approached the CIA to look into Tsarnaev's shift toward Islamic extremism, a government official tells CNN. But the information provided by the Russians in November 2011 was "basically the same" information that had been given to the FBI, the government official said, adding that the communication sent to the CIA was a "warning letter."
-- Investigators are looking into the possibility Tamerlan Tsarnaev -- who was married with a young daughter, whom he frequently cared for while his wife worked as a home health aide -- may have helped finance the bomb plot through illegal drug sales, according to a source familiar with the investigation.
-- Some 33 of the more than 260 people wounded in last week's explosions were still being treated Wednesday night in Boston-area hospitals, according to a CNN tally. Only one of them -- at Boston Medical Center -- is in critical condition.
-- At least 14 people underwent amputations because of the blasts.
-- The name of one Boston Marathon bombing suspect was included in U.S. law enforcement and counterterrorism databases, but he was not on any watch list that would have prevented him from flying or required additional screening when he left or entered the country, intelligence and law enforcement officials said.
-- Human rights activist Kheda Saratova in Makhachkala, Dagestan, told CNN that the parents of the Tsarnaev brothers talked Wednesday with U.S. investigators and the Russian Federal Security Service.
-- Vice President Joe Biden spoke Wednesday at a memorial service for Sean Collier, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology campus officer who authorities say was killed by the suspected Boston Marathon bombers last week.
-- Biden referred to the suspects as "two twisted, perverted, cowardly, knock-off jihadis."
-- Citing terrorists in general, he said, "They do it to instill fear, to have us -- in the name of our safety and security -- jettison what we value most, and the world most values about us: our open society, our system of justice that guarantees freedom, the access of all Americans to opportunity, the free flow of information and people across this country, our transparency, that's their target."
-- The suspects in last week's bombings in Boston may have been planning to party in New York, that city's police commissioner, Ray Kelly, told reporters Wednesday, citing comments from the younger brother. "Information that we received said something about partying, having a party," he said.
-- Tamerlan Tsarnaev may have been "brainwashed" by a friend from Cambridge, Massachusetts named Misha -- an Armenian who had converted to Islam -- the dead man's uncle, Ruslan Tsarni, told CNN.
-- Elmirza Khozhgov, a former brother-in-law of the brothers, told CNN that the elder Tsarnaev introduced him to a man named Misha, but "I didn't witness him making him radical."
-- A spokeswoman for the Islamic Society of Boston told CNN that no one in the group's network appeared to have heard of the person named Misha.
-- The spokeswoman, Nichole Mossalam, said the group was prepared to hold a funeral for the dead brother, but had not been asked to do so. Several of the group's imams said they would not be comfortable presiding over a funeral for the elder brother, so the organization would likely ask a lay person to officiate, she said.
-- The surviving suspect, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, has indicated to investigators that it was his brother, not any international terrorist group, who conceived the attack, a U.S. government source said.
-- The source said preliminary interviews with Dzhokhar Tsarnaev suggest the brothers were self-radicalized jihadists.
-- James Taylor sang at the memorial service at MIT, accompanied by the MIT Symphony Orchestra and a vocal ensemble from the university.
-- The suspects received welfare benefits as children, the state government says; Tamerlan received them for his family through last year.
-- Authorities reopened the site of the bomb blasts Wednesday to pedestrian traffic after replacing missing bricks and patching up concrete.
-- Dzhokhar Tsarnaev has cited the U.S. wars in Afghanistan and Iraq as motivating factors behind the attack, a U.S. government official said Tuesday.
-- Dzhokhar Tsarnaev remains hospitalized in fair condition.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

In mediation, the couple, with the help of the mediator, works out agreements on the above issues. Sometimes agreements come easy, sometimes they take time and a lot of work. When agreements are hard to reach, that is when the mediator intervenes. It is the mediators job to keep the lines of communication open, brainstorm ideas, reality test the couple, teach empathy and assist the couple in their decision making process. Mediators help keep the couple focused on the issues at hand, trying not to get them off track. When divorcing couples get off track and away from the above issues during mediation, arguing, name-calling and bad prior memories are brought up. Mediation is flexible and confidential. It gives you and your spouse a way to settle the conflict between you in a way that helps you to work together as parents. This is extremely important if you have children and must interact with your ex-spouse after you are divorced. Mediation brings about communication between the couple, which can then be used when they must discuss issues in pertaining to the children. Lack of communication may have been one of the main reasons for their divorce. Mediation has the ability to help the couple learn to communicate again, if only for the sake of the children, and make their post-divorce relationship better than their married one. A divorce mediator is neutral and doesn't "work" for either parent. That means the mediator can not give advice to either party. They must remain neutral no matter what the situation. What the mediator can do, though, is assist the divorcing couple in formulating ideas that can eventually lead to agreements that will stand the test of time. That open and free exchange of information frees up both spouses to negotiate with each other in confidence. Because both spouses are working with the same base of information, it usually takes far less time to negotiate a resolution that makes sense to both spouses. Mediation is voluntary. It continues only for so long as all three of you - you, your spouse, and the mediator -- want it to. Mediations can be conducted weekly, every two weeks, monthly or how ever often the couple wants them to be. This is their mediation and they decide everything in the process. How long does divorce mediation take and what are the costs? The length of mediation depends on what issues have been agreed to prior to mediation and those issues that need to be addressed during mediation. Also, the amount of time spent in mediation is contingent upon you and your spouse's willingness to come to agreements that are equitable for the both of you and your willingness to do what is in the best interests of your children. The time spent in mediation can be reduced if you and your spouse are able to come to agreements prior to mediation, or at the least, narrow down your options to a few workable ones. However, if you and your spouse are not able to discuss your divorce outside of mediation, it is strongly recommended that you avoid it at all costs. When couples try to work out issues on their own and it leads to arguments and "drawing lines in the sand", it makes mediation more difficult and time consuming. On average, pre-decree divorce mediation can be completed in 4-10 sessions. Again, how long it takes really depends on what if any communication there is between the divorcing couples and their level of animosity for each other. If either one of the spouses is unwilling to budge from their certain position on a divorce issues, mediation may not be an option for them and they may have to litigate in court. Once this happens, communication is shut down and the fight begins. In 2005, the average mediated case cost $3000 and was settled in 90 days. In turn, the average litigated case in the courts cost $15,000 and took 18 months to settle. Keep in mind, the litigated cases led to more spite and frustration between the divorcing couples, usually leading to a lose/lose situation for both. Not many people walk away from a litigated divorce feeling satisfied. On the other hand, couples who went through mediation felt satisfied with the agreements they had reached and both walked away feeling that they had gotten what they had wanted. Who would you rather have decide what happens with your children and assets after a divorce, you during mediation or attorneys and judges during a divorce in the courts? Who knows more about you, attorneys, judges or you? Why have people who know nothing about you tell you how you are going to live the rest of your life. Also, divorce in the court system is public domain. Anybody can sit in court and hear the specifics of your divorce. On the other hand, mediation is confidential, private and conducted behind closed doors. In mediation, there are no attorneys putting up walls between you and your spouse. Mediation is about working together, doing things in the best interests of your children and focusing on being able to be parents for your children for years to come. Unfortunately, divorce in the court system is designed to put up that wall and limit communication, which inevitably leads to many post divorce problems and many more hours and thousands of dollars in court.


In mediation, the couple, with the help of the mediator, works out agreements on the above issues. Sometimes agreements come easy, sometimes they take time and a lot of work. When agreements are hard to reach, that is when the mediator intervenes. It is the mediators job to keep the lines of communication open, brainstorm ideas, reality test the couple, teach empathy and assist the couple in their decision making process. Mediators help keep the couple focused on the issues at hand, trying not to get them off track. When divorcing couples get off track and away from the above issues during mediation, arguing, name-calling and bad prior memories are brought up.
Mediation is flexible and confidential. It gives you and your spouse a way to settle the conflict between you in a way that helps you to work together as parents. This is extremely important if you have children and must interact with your ex-spouse after you are divorced. Mediation brings about communication between the couple, which can then be used when they must discuss issues in pertaining to the children. Lack of communication may have been one of the main reasons for their divorce. Mediation has the ability to help the couple learn to communicate again, if only for the sake of the children, and make their post-divorce relationship better than their married one.
A divorce mediator is neutral and doesn't "work" for either parent. That means the mediator can not give advice to either party. They must remain neutral no matter what the situation.
What the mediator can do, though, is assist the divorcing couple in formulating ideas that can eventually lead to agreements that will stand the test of time. That open and free exchange of information frees up both spouses to negotiate with each other in confidence. Because both spouses are working with the same base of information, it usually takes far less time to negotiate a resolution that makes sense to both spouses.
Mediation is voluntary. It continues only for so long as all three of you - you, your spouse, and the mediator -- want it to. Mediations can be conducted weekly, every two weeks, monthly or how ever often the couple wants them to be. This is their mediation and they decide everything in the process.
How long does divorce mediation take and what are the costs?
The length of mediation depends on what issues have been agreed to prior to mediation and those issues that need to be addressed during mediation. Also, the amount of time spent in mediation is contingent upon you and your spouse's willingness to come to agreements that are equitable for the both of you and your willingness to do what is in the best interests of your children. The time spent in mediation can be reduced if you and your spouse are able to come to agreements prior to mediation, or at the least, narrow down your options to a few workable ones. However, if you and your spouse are not able to discuss your divorce outside of mediation, it is strongly recommended that you avoid it at all costs. When couples try to work out issues on their own and it leads to arguments and "drawing lines in the sand", it makes mediation more difficult and time consuming.
On average, pre-decree divorce mediation can be completed in 4-10 sessions. Again, how long it takes really depends on what if any communication there is between the divorcing couples and their level of animosity for each other. If either one of the spouses is unwilling to budge from their certain position on a divorce issues, mediation may not be an option for them and they may have to litigate in court. Once this happens, communication is shut down and the fight begins.
In 2005, the average mediated case cost $3000 and was settled in 90 days. In turn, the average litigated case in the courts cost $15,000 and took 18 months to settle. Keep in mind, the litigated cases led to more spite and frustration between the divorcing couples, usually leading to a lose/lose situation for both. Not many people walk away from a litigated divorce feeling satisfied. On the other hand, couples who went through mediation felt satisfied with the agreements they had reached and both walked away feeling that they had gotten what they had wanted. Who would you rather have decide what happens with your children and assets after a divorce, you during mediation or attorneys and judges during a divorce in the courts? Who knows more about you, attorneys, judges or you? Why have people who know nothing about you tell you how you are going to live the rest of your life.
Also, divorce in the court system is public domain. Anybody can sit in court and hear the specifics of your divorce. On the other hand, mediation is confidential, private and conducted behind closed doors. In mediation, there are no attorneys putting up walls between you and your spouse. Mediation is about working together, doing things in the best interests of your children and focusing on being able to be parents for your children for years to come. Unfortunately, divorce in the court system is designed to put up that wall and limit communication, which inevitably leads to many post divorce problems and many more hours and thousands of dollars in court.

Francesca Bambino Donofrio on Divorce mediation


Francesca Bambino Donofrio on Divorce mediation. Divorce mediation is about you and your soon to be ex-spouse deciding your own divorce and what is best for the both of you and most importantly, your children. In mediation, you and your spouse meet with a neutral third party, the mediator, and with their help, you work through the issues you need to resolve so the two of you can end your marriage as amicably and cost effective as possible. The issues covered include but at not limited to the following:

1. Distribution of Property (Assets/Liabilities)
2. Child Custody and Parenting Time
3. Child Support/Maintenance
4. Retirement
5. Taxes
In mediation, the couple, with the help of the mediator, works out agreements on the above issues. Sometimes agreements come easy, sometimes they take time and a lot of work. When agreements are hard to reach, that is when the mediator intervenes. It is the mediators job to keep the lines of communication open, brainstorm ideas, reality test the couple, teach empathy and assist the couple in their decision making process. Mediators help keep the couple focused on the issues at hand, trying not to get them off track. When divorcing couples get off track and away from the above issues during mediation, arguing, name-calling and bad prior memories are brought up.
Mediation is flexible and confidential. It gives you and your spouse a way to settle the conflict between you in a way that helps you to work together as parents. This is extremely important if you have children and must interact with your ex-spouse after you are divorced. Mediation brings about communication between the couple, which can then be used when they must discuss issues in pertaining to the children. Lack of communication may have been one of the main reasons for their divorce. Mediation has the ability to help the couple learn to communicate again, if only for the sake of the children, and make their post-divorce relationship better than their married one.
A divorce mediator is neutral and doesn't "work" for either parent. That means the mediator can not give advice to either party. They must remain neutral no matter what the situation.
What the mediator can do, though, is assist the divorcing couple in formulating ideas that can eventually lead to agreements that will stand the test of time. That open and free exchange of information frees up both spouses to negotiate with each other in confidence. Because both spouses are working with the same base of information, it usually takes far less time to negotiate a resolution that makes sense to both spouses.
Mediation is voluntary. It continues only for so long as all three of you - you, your spouse, and the mediator -- want it to. Mediations can be conducted weekly, every two weeks, monthly or how ever often the couple wants them to be. This is their mediation and they decide everything in the process.
How long does divorce mediation take and what are the costs?
The length of mediation depends on what issues have been agreed to prior to mediation and those issues that need to be addressed during mediation. Also, the amount of time spent in mediation is contingent upon you and your spouse's willingness to come to agreements that are equitable for the both of you and your willingness to do what is in the best interests of your children. The time spent in mediation can be reduced if you and your spouse are able to come to agreements prior to mediation, or at the least, narrow down your options to a few workable ones. However, if you and your spouse are not able to discuss your divorce outside of mediation, it is strongly recommended that you avoid it at all costs. When couples try to work out issues on their own and it leads to arguments and "drawing lines in the sand", it makes mediation more difficult and time consuming.
On average, pre-decree divorce mediation can be completed in 4-10 sessions. Again, how long it takes really depends on what if any communication there is between the divorcing couples and their level of animosity for each other. If either one of the spouses is unwilling to budge from their certain position on a divorce issues, mediation may not be an option for them and they may have to litigate in court. Once this happens, communication is shut down and the fight begins.
In 2005, the average mediated case cost $3000 and was settled in 90 days. In turn, the average litigated case in the courts cost $15,000 and took 18 months to settle. Keep in mind, the litigated cases led to more spite and frustration between the divorcing couples, usually leading to a lose/lose situation for both. Not many people walk away from a litigated divorce feeling satisfied. On the other hand, couples who went through mediation felt satisfied with the agreements they had reached and both walked away feeling that they had gotten what they had wanted. Who would you rather have decide what happens with your children and assets after a divorce, you during mediation or attorneys and judges during a divorce in the courts? Who knows more about you, attorneys, judges or you? Why have people who know nothing about you tell you how you are going to live the rest of your life.
Also, divorce in the court system is public domain. Anybody can sit in court and hear the specifics of your divorce. On the other hand, mediation is confidential, private and conducted behind closed doors. In mediation, there are no attorneys putting up walls between you and your spouse. Mediation is about working together, doing things in the best interests of your children and focusing on being able to be parents for your children for years to come. Unfortunately, divorce in the court system is designed to put up that wall and limit communication, which inevitably leads to many post divorce problems and many more hours and thousands of dollars in court.

Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford Mediator


Francesca Bambino D'Onofrio

Francesca Bambino Donofrio – Stamford Greenwich Mediator
Posted on October 11, 2012
Francesca Bambino Donofrio

My job is not to solve problems, but to help the people involved work it out themselves.
Being a mediator gives you the sense that you are of value, she said. “Kids can tell when you are trying to fix them. But when you say to these kids, ‘we want you to take responsibility for other people’s conflicts,’ they feel empowered.”"We help them learn to recognize how other people are feeling, and learn to control their own feelings.” You can’t mediate a conflict if you get caught up in it. “You have to remain neutral even if inside you are thinking I can’t stand this person.”

It’s good life-skills training.

One of the key successes in mediation is to realize that the conflict exists due to difference in perspective. Perspective is based on many factors. Francesca Bambino Donofrio of Stamford states “age, race, culture, life expereince, socio economic factors” are all clues to understanding perspective, out own and another’s. It is important to understand that our perspective is not the only perspective to exist. For this is the basis of self empowerment. Self empowerment cannot be measured in quantitative anlysis but is witnessed and demonstrated. During self growth as humans we become more aware of ourselves and the effects we have on others. Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford Mediator states that “presence is not only is a contribution in verbal capacity but in physical capacity. Our energy enters the room long before we begin to speak.” With that in mind, Francesca Bambino Donofrio always includes discussions during mediation on body language and at the CMI there are many lectures on facial muscles, movement, body language and a definition of presence.
Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford Mediator developed the Mediation Curriculum at Fordham University from 2006 forward and the course is still actively enrolligg students.

Francesca Bambino Donofrio established the CMI Concord Mediation Institue serving Stamford Ct and Greenwich Ct. Bambino Donofrio offers group seminars and is always welcoming the opportunity to work with you in a personal setting or on site as a conflict resolution coach and life coach.

francescabambinodonofrio.com

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Monday, April 22, 2013

Francesca Bambino Donofrio Stamford Mediator shares the following publication on Conflict and Resolution


Francesca Bambino D'Onofrio

Francesca Bambino Donofrio – Stamford Greenwich Mediator
Posted on October 11, 2012
Francesca Bambino Donofrio

My job is not to solve problems, but to help the people involved work it out themselves.
Being a mediator gives you the sense that you are of value, she said. “Kids can tell when you are trying to fix them. But when you say to these kids, ‘we want you to take responsibility for other people’s conflicts,’ they feel empowered.”"We help them learn to recognize how other people are feeling, and learn to control their own feelings.” You can’t mediate a conflict if you get caught up in it. “You have to remain neutral even if inside you are thinking I can’t stand this person.”

It’s good life-skills training.

TThe Collins English Dictionary de- fines conflict as “a state of opposi- tion between ideas and interests.” Although conflict is an inevitable con- sequence of human interaction, violent responses to conflict are neither normal nor acceptable. In recent years, an alarming number of secondary school administrators have reported using metal detectors to screen their students, confiscating weapons, or calling law en- forcement to intervene in student con- flicts (Robinson, 1997). This has precipitated a large-scale inquiry into how to solve the problem of violence in secondary schools. One solution is to implement conflict resolution education that teaches a set of skills that lend themselves to the nonviolent, constructive management of conflict (Gilhooley & Scheuch, 2000).
Unresolved conflicts can lead to poor academic achievement, low self- esteem, feelings of powerlessness, and general behavioral difficulties. However, systematic conflict resolution strategies have been shown to reduce in-school fighting, suspensions, disciplinary referrals, absenteeism, vandalism, and
bullying (Bodine, Crawford, & Schrumpf, 1994; Jackson & Davis, 2001). Research has shown that the most popular approach to conflict res- olution in secondary schools includes a comprehensive violence reduction pro- gram that incorporates proactive strategies, effective intervention approaches, and systematic collabora- tion between the schools and the com- munities they serve (Crawford & Bodine, 2001). The most effective approaches to conflict resolution include instruction in communication and cooperative problem-solving skills that are implemented in a climate where nonviolent approaches to con- flict resolution are considered standard operating procedure. School-based programs may include a combination of conflict resolution curricula, anger management skills training, peer medi- ation, and the development of peace- able classrooms or schools.
Peer Mediation
Peer mediation is based on the assump- tion that conflicts are simply mutual problems that can be resolved in ways
that benefit all parties. In secondary schools, peer mediation is used to help two or more students resolve serious conflicts they cannot handle independ- ently. Peer meditation relies on an impartial third party, the peer media- tor, to facilitate the problem-solving process and help students use advanced communication, negotiation, and problem-solving skills to reach a mutu- ally beneficial resolution (Crawford & Bodine, 2001). Some programs use teams of peer mediators who collabo- rate to facilitate the negotiation process. Disputes about such issues as jealousy, the use of personal property, bullying, rumors, fights, and misunderstandings among students lend themselves to peer mediation. Peer mediation may not, however, be appropriate in situations where the students have severe emo- tional problems, have already engaged in violent acts, or have had unsuccessful experiences with mediation.
Peer mediation is particularly appro- priate for secondary school because at this stage in their developmental process, students typically rely on their peers for social and emotional support and welcome opportunities to function independently of their parents and teachers. In addition, secondary school students are better able to view prob- lems from the perspective of their peers
Mediating a Better Solution
Peer mediation helps secondary school students become better problemsolvers, decisionmakers, and communicators.

COUNSELING
101
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COUNSELING
101
and can frame disputes in language that is understood by their classmates.
Expected Outcomes
When peer mediation is employed with- in a larger context of nonviolent conflict resolution, it teaches secondary school students to become more effective prob- lemsolvers, decisionmakers, and com- municators. It helps them improve their perspective-taking skills, increases toler- ance for alternate points of view, and teaches respect for others. It increases communication, problem-solving, and critical thinking skills. In addition, because peer mediation reduces adult intervention in student conflicts, it allows teachers and administrators to focus on teaching instead of discipline.
Peer mediation programs have been shown to positively affect school cli- mate and perceptions of school safety, reduce violent conflict, and drastically limit the number of office referrals and school suspensions for misbehavior. Positive effects have been noted in urban, suburban, and rural settings, among all socioeconomic levels and eth- nic groups, and in both males and females (Crawford & Bodine, 2001).
Finally, if peer mediation is used as a core component of schoolwide educa- tion for behavior change, it can lead to empowerment of the entire school com- munity and the perception that nonvio- lent approaches to conflict are the norm, instead of the exception.
The Peer Mediator:
Selection, Characteristics,
and Responsibilities
A peer mediator is a student who is about the same age or grade level as the students in conflict. Students appear to relate better to mediators who are their own age and are empowered by being able to solve problems without benefit of adult assistance (Myrick, 2002). Mediators are selected on the basis of teachers’ or administrators’ recommen- dations and are carefully screened to ensure that they have both the interper- sonal and cognitive skills to facilitate the negotiation process.
Effective peer mediators must exhib- it mature judgment, leadership abilities, and excellent verbal and nonverbal com- munication skills. Interestingly, although peer mediators enjoy high social status among their peers, they are rarely the highest achieving or best-behaved stu- dents in the school. It is important to note that the peer mediator functions primarily as a facilitator, not as a deci- sionmaker or a judge.
The responsibilities of the peer mediator include monitoring the prob- lem-solving process; maintaining confi- dentiality; and functioning in an unbi- ased, empathetic, and respectful manner to help students work together to solve their problems. Most peer meditation programs require secondary-level peer mediators to complete about 20 hours of initial training in conflict resolution, mediation, negotiation, communica- tion, and collaboration, as well as fre- quent refresher courses in mediation skills. Parental consent should be obtained before students sign up to be peer mediators because training and mediation can involve a substantial investment of time and effort.
The Peer Mediation Process
Students may request mediation to help them resolve a dispute or they may be referred by school personnel or families; in either case, participants must engage in mediation voluntarily. Although some students will be resistant to this process, they might be encouraged to participate by such incentives as avoid- ing suspension or other disciplinary action if they agree to mediation. Other means of addressing conflict should be in place for students who refuse media- tion or fail to follow through on their agreement. The resources and materials necessary for peer mediation are mini- mal and include a private room equipped with a small table and chairs, a timer, and writing materials.
Once students agree to mediation, the peer mediator assigned to the case arranges a meeting that is closed to observers. Mediation sessions may be held before school, after school, or during specific periods of the school day that are set aside for this purpose. The mediator records basic informa- tion about the conflict and its resolu- tion and provides these records to the faculty coordinator who monitors the effectiveness of the process. The fol- lowing sequence of steps, derived from Crawford and Bodine (2001), is most representative of peer mediation sessions; however, the process may be modified to suit a particular school or setting.
Open the session. The students involved in the dispute are seated facing each other with the peer mediator between them. Once introductions are made, the peer mediator discusses the purpose, process, and ground rules of peer mediation and then secures a com- mitment from both students to abide by the rules. Ground rules generally include showing respect for others, cooperating, being willing to listen, tak- ing turns speaking, focusing on issues and not persons, and maintaining the confidentiality of the mediation session. Students should be made aware that a record of the mediation session will be
FACTORS RELATED
TO CONFLICT IN SECONDARY SCHOOLS
  • School size: Violent conflicts are more common in large schools than in mid-sized or small schools.
  • Student age: Middle school students are the most likely targets of violent behavior.
  • Weapons: About 10% of high school students have been threatened or injured with a weapon on school property.
  • Bullying: About 20%–30% of U.S. students are the instigators or targets of bullying; students between the ages of 8 and 15 identify bullying as more of a problem than other forms of violence.
    Source: Juvonen, J. (2001). School violence: Preva- lence, fears, and prevention. Retrieved December 7, 2004,from www.rand.org/publications/IP/IP219.
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CASE STUDY
As the assistant principal for the freshman class in a mid-sized urban high school, you meet with Mrs. Lombardi and Mr. Zacharias, two school coun- selors who sponsor the school's peer mediation program. They express concern about this year's decrease in requests for the peer mediation process. They remind you that ninth-grade students have been involved in many low-level peer conflicts and that discipline referrals are mounting. In previous years, peer mediation has been an effective, proactive intervention tool in the school.
Students who in the past were referred by teachers for mediation are currently sent to the office for disciplinary consequences. Some teachers appear unwilling to allow students to implement the conflict-reducing strategies suggested in peer mediation sessions. Several staff members have summarily refused to allow creative strategies, such as a student asking permission to step out of the classroom to regain composure when tension is mounting within a peer conflict. These staff members argue, "What if every child wanted to step out of the classroom? Then what?" When the counselors show these teachers documents that demonstrate the strategy as part of a mediated solution, they reply, "Who cares!"
Observations
Persistent attempts to refocus attention on the effectiveness of proactive behavior management interventions can be neglected when teachers juggle competing educational initiatives and may be attracted by the lure of a quick-fix punishment approach to student conflict. School leaders themselves must manage an array of district and school initiatives. However, the most effective way to reduce school violence is to reduce the incidence of initial violent conflicts. Peer mediation is a promising approach to creating a safe school environment and those who facilitate conflict resolution programs may need the active support of school leaders to gain the cooperation of staff members.
What to Do
School leaders who regularly focus the attention of student and staff members on violence prevention through continued training, communication, and incentives tend to have fewer disciplinary referrals than those who implement only traditional punishment strategies. Effective conflict resolution pro- grams teach problem-solving principles and skills to all students. Systems that spotlight students who contribute to a peaceable school climate by participating in mediations, serving as peer mediators, or interacting peacefully in other ways underscore to your students and staff members the value you place on a safe school environment.
School leaders should help their peer mediation committees systematically plan for faculty meetings that at least once a semester showcase school data that track the relationships of student participation in mediation with the rates of further disciplinary actions. Committee members can share rec- ommendations regarding the most effective timing for peer-mediation referrals within the student-conflict cycle. Periodic incentives to recognize staff members' involvement in the student referral process can be as simple as humorous awards, coupons for an extra prep time while administrators teach the class, or access to a desired parking space for a day. Showing regard for staff members who participate in proactive interventions and peaceable school efforts can serve to highlight one of your own professional values, as well as underscore a high priority school initiative.
What to Consider
  • Is your school schedule designed to allow a time when mediators, staff members, and coaches can meet? Many schools use an advisory period for mediation time.
  • Are you collecting data that compare outcomes of mediated interactions with those of disciplinary referrals?
  • What is the protocol for making a referral to peer mediation? Does everyone understand the process? Do you routinely orient new staff members to
    this program when they are hired?
  • Have you been trained in the peer mediation process? Do you understand the goals of peer mediation and how they are different from disciplinary
    actions?
  • Are your mediation coaches and those who collect data compensated in some way for their time and effort? Collecting and analyzing data, schedul-
    ing and participating in mediations, and training and informing staff takes time and energy.
  • Have you connected peer mediation with other proactive behavior initiatives in your school and woven these elements into a coherent approach
    toward creating a peaceable school?
  • Have you communicated these integrated efforts to staff members, parents, and students?
    Implementing a Plan
  • Schedule a refresher training session presented by an area expert in peer mediation. Include educators from a local site where the peer mediation program is working effectively. Ask them to share specific features and outcomes of their program.
  • Include peer mediation updates and discipline-related data on the agenda of monthly faculty meetings. Take a moment to acknowledge all staff members who supported mediation efforts that month.
  • Consider replenishing the advisory team by requesting nominations from staff members, students, and parents. Meet with the advisory team and peer mediation trainers and coordinators to brainstorm strategies to get the program back on track. Consider further training needs, staff incentives, and data collection needs.
  • Communicate any revisions in the program to staff members and seek a written commitment of cooperation. Consult individually with any staff members who are not willing to make such a commitment; consider their reservations or resistance and seek their suggestions to make the program more acceptable. Reframe suggestions and solutions in terms of peaceable school objectives.
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COUNSELING
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maintained by the faculty coordinator, but will not be shared with other staff members or parents without the per- mission of the students, except for any exchange of information needed to implement the final solution.
Identify the problem and gather information. Students are each given a specified period of time to describe their perception of the problem without interruptions. The peer mediator uses such advanced communication skills as eye contact, summarization, and clarifi- cation to help students state the prob- lem in clear, objective, and unemotional terms. Students are encouraged to view the conflict as a mutual problem and are asked to see the conflict from the perspective of the other person and to repeat, in their own words, what the other person said.
Develop goals and focus on common interests. The peer mediator helps students develop goals for the peer mediation session and asks ques- tions to identify common interests that can be used as the foundation for fur- ther discussion. At this point, students are asked to integrate competing sets of interests and come up with one set of common interests. Students should develop both short- and long-term goals so they can experience success when they reach intermediate goals.
Generate options for solving the problem. Brainstorming techniques are used during this stage to help stu- dents come up with as many solutions to the problem as possible. The focus is on generating a number of options. Students must be firmly discouraged from judging or criticizing another’s ideas, and the peer mediator may
take notes and ask questions for clarification.
Evaluate options and choose a solution. The students systematically evaluate each option and decide on one that best meets their needs or could work with some compromise. The peer mediator verbally summa- rizes the plan and asks students for feedback regarding its potential for
success. The ideal plan is fair, maxi- mizes joint benefits, and teaches the students strategies to solve future con- flicts constructively.
Develop an agreement and com- mit to it. Students develop a written agreement that includes a timeline, roles and responsibilities, and provi- sions for evaluating the process and is signed by all participants. Additional mediation may be sought as needed and the plan may be renegotiated; however, changes to the original agreement must be agreed to by all participants.
Establishing Peer Mediation Programs in Schools
There are many well-established peer mediation programs that can be adapted to address individual school needs (see resources). These programs
typically include guidebooks, training materials, promotion materials, and sometimes include trainers or sponsors. Principals who are interested in estab- lishing peer mediation programs in their schools should investigate existing programs and look for the following core components that are part of any successful program:
• A comprehensive needs assessment of school professionals, families, and com- munity agencies.
• A network of peer mediation training organizations (e.g., the community board program in California) for pro- grams, training, or materials.

• A peer mediation program team with a coordinator and trainers of student peer mediators.
• Individuals who have training and experience in managing conflict and who are well respected by both students
PEER MEDIATION RESOURCES
We can work it out: Problem solving through mediation (2nd ed.) S. Glickman and J. Zimmer. 1993. Washington, DC: National Institute for Citizen Education in the Law.
Conflict resolution and peer mediation programs in elementary and secondary schools: A review of the research. D. Johnson and R. T. Johnson.1996. Review of Educational Research, 66(4), 459–506. (ERIC Document Reproduction Service No. ED00346543)
Don't laugh at me: Creating a ridicule-free classroom. L. P. Roerden. 2000. Cambridge, MA: Educators for Social Responsibility.
Peer mediation: Conflict resolution in schools. F. Schrumpf, D. Crawford, & H. Usadel. 1996. Champaign, IL: Research Press.
Agencies that provide consultation, training, and materials for secondary schools:
Community Board Program, San Francisco, CA. Offers a secondary school curricu- lum for conflict resolution. Phone: 415-552-1250; E-mail: cmbrds@igc.apc.org
CRU Institute. Peer mediation program and evaluation forms for secondary schools. Web site: www.cruinstitute.org/pdffiles/secondary.pdf
Federal Activities Addressing Violence in Schools. Lists all ongoing and completed projects that address violence around schools; updated semiannually. Phone: 888-231-6405; Web site: www.safeyouth.org/scripts/school/index.asp
Oakland Mediation Center, Bloomfield Hills, MI. Phone: 248-338-4280; Web site: www.mediation-omc.org
Peace Education Foundation, Miami, FL. Phone: 800-749-8838; Web site: www.peaceducation.com
Resolving Conflict Creatively Program, RCCP National Center, New York, NY. Phone: 212-509-0022; Web site: www.esrnational.org/about-rccp.htm/
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and staff members. Support services personnel, such as school psychologists and counselors, are often in ideal posi- tions to provide leadership in peer mediation programs.
• An advisory council of parents, school professionals, students; and community members (such as law enforcement officers, after-school program directors, and youth workers). This group reviews the needs assess- ment, works with school staff members to identify appropriate programs, and serves as a sounding board and prob- lem-solving resource throughout the implementation of the program.
• Training sessions and materials for program coordinators, trainers of student peer mediators, and peer mediators.
• Adequate funding and resources to build and maintain the program. Administrators may find grant sources that have pools of funding for peer mediation programs and staff training. • School and community support that is built by including relevant groups in the creation of the program and com- municating about the need for and benefits of the program.
• Public relations materials, such as flyers, advertisements, and program videos.
• Orientation sessions for staff mem- bers and students.

• Scheduled time for participants to plan, evaluate, and share the results of their work.
• An evaluation plan that includes short- and long-term behavioral goals, behavioral outcomes, timelines, evalua- tion criteria, and methods of formative and summative evaluation.

Conclusion
A peer mediation program can serve as an invaluable resource for conflict reso- lution among secondary school stu- dents, particularly if it is part of a larger movement to establish peaceable envi- ronments where nonviolence and com- munication become a way of life, not an afterthought or a reaction to a crisis.
Creating a safe, stable school environ- ment promotes higher academic achievement and well-being for all stu- dents and builds greater student con- nectedness and investment in the school community. These principles are emphasized in both the No Child Left Behind Act and the newly reauthorized Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, not simply as a backdrop to aca- demic goals, but as concrete, measura- ble objectives directly related to school accountability. Peer mediation is a field- tested, highly effective approach that can help schools meet these standards and provide outcomes that can be measured and reported as indicators of school success. A program’s success, though, will depend on the principal’s leadership in building initial support among staff members, students, and parents and fostering their continued commitment to the program. PL

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